The Dungeons & Dragons Rainy Sunday Songbook
by Mistress Scribbles
Summary: ANOTHER NEW SONG! Gather the family around the old Joanna and Singalonga to your heart's content! Includes Our Favourite Things, Never Trust A Stranger With Yellow Eyes, Realmic Rhapsody and Heaven Can Tell!
1. Our Favourite Things

So my pooter's making my text go all weird on this site at present (hence Epilogue/Prologue going all squished and jumbled - hope seperating it into 2 chapters helps) still, hope this silly song entertains and doesn't go too crazy. It is sung to the tune of "My Favourite Things" from The Sound Of Music - Ah, the various copyright breaches! Enjoy!

Our Favourite Things:

Verse 1

BOBBY: Burgers and bagels with cheese and pastrami,

Pizzas with three different kinds of salami,

Chocolate icecream and buffalo wings,

These are a few of my favouirte things!

Verse 2

SHEILA: Kittens and bunnies and teddies all sizes...

DIANA: Trophies and medals and gen'ral first prizes...

SHEILA: Getting proposals from long exiled kings,

BOTH GIRLS: These are a few of our favourite things!

Verse 3

HANK: Helping and fixing and general good deeds,

Virtue itself is all the reward I need.

Freeing some fairies and saving some some elves...

ERIC: Helping some losers that can't help themselves!

(HANK: Hey! That was my verse!)

Verse 4

PRESTO: I like Illusionists with copper tresses...

ERIC: I like the size of our female friends' dresses...

HANK: Dressing like extras from 'Lord of the Rings'...

(ERIC: Oi!)

ALL: These are a few of our favourite things!

Chorus

PRESTO: When zombies chase,

ERIC: Killer bees chase...

HANK: ...sometimes demons too...

ALL: We simply remember our favourite things, and then we don't feel so blue!

Verse 5

RANDOM ORC: Hacking and slashing, enslaving the gnomes...

NIGHWALKER: Stealing young kiddies at night from their homes...

ZINN & SIR LAWRENCE: Propositioning Minors we've only just met...

ALL: These simple pleasures we must not forget!

Verse 6

VENGER: Blowing up castles and torturing pixies,

Flying around on my horsie (called Trixie)

Destroying portals to Earth makes me smile...

These simple pleasures make my job worthwhile!

Verse 7

D.M: Speaking in riddles that can't be translated,

Unleashing Merry Hell when I'm berated,

Abducting innocent children from rides,

These simple pleasures just can't be denied!

Chorus

KIDS: When we're tired and

Getting fired at,

Things aren't going our way,

We simply remember our favourite things, and then we feel mighty...

ERIC: Woah! Hold it. Time out. I'm not singing that.

PRESTO: What? "And then we feel mighty gay?"

SHEILA: What's wrong with that? We remember our favourite things, and they make us feel all happy and peppy.

ERIC: Screw you guys. I'm going to my trailer.

_Storms off._

DIANA: Ya don't have a trailer!

ERIC: (Off) Fine! Then I'm just going to stand behind this rock!

_Stands behind rock, sulks._

UNI: Meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh,

REMAINING KIDS: And then we feel Miiiighty Gaaaay!


	2. Never Trust A Stranger

Never Trust A Stranger (Who's Got Yellow Eyes)

(to the tune of "She's be coming round the mountain")

---

ALL: Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes,

Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes.

You must never trust a stranger,

Never ever trust a stranger,

Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes.

---

HANK: Well, a lady said she'd guide us for a song.

She seemed nice, but don'tcha know it, we were wrong.

As a human she was pretty,

As a spider t'was a pity,

She was minging, but by golly, she was strong!

---

ALL: Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes,

Never trust a lovely lady full of lies,

You must never trust a stranger,

Never ever trust a stranger,

Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes.

---

PRESTO: It was flattering when Merlin 'prenticed me,

I'm myopic though, so I could barely see

When old Venger showed his face

And began to smash up the place,

Now if only someone'd come to set me free!

---

ALL: Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes,

Never know, it could be Venger in disguise.

You must never trust a stranger,

Never ever trust a stranger,

Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes.

---

ERIC: It was nice to be proposed to by a Queen,

And it had slipped my mind I wasn't yet eighteen.

But alas, I had to ditch her

When she turned into a creature

For more hideous than I had ever seen!

---

ALL: Never trust a stranger who's got yellow eyes.

Never ever trust them, thus to summarise...

HANK: So just listen to your Ranger...

ALL: You can always trust a stranger,

But it's dangerous if they've got yellow eyes!


	3. Realmic Rhapsody

Hello again my lovely Dungeony chums, and welcome to this, the third leaf of The Rainy Sunday D&D Songbook.

You all know full well what tune this goes to, _and_ who sings it!

And, look! A reprieve of the Flash Gordon insult. Hoo-whee!

Hope you enjoy. Scribbles.

--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- ---

REALMIC RHAPSODY

---

Is this the real life? Is this reality?

Caught in the nightmare of some warped Tolkein fantasy.

Down to my last of food, cash and dignity -

I'm just an Earth boy, I need some sympathy

Cos my patience ran very low

Over seven months ago.

I'm a reasonable person,

But nobody's list'ning to me.

To me...

---

Brother! I could kill these guys!

How can they all face these trials with such stupid chirpy smiles?

Lead by the Boy Scout from Hell

With some weird Flash Gordon haircut going on.

Brother! (oohh...) I'm too young to die,

Too young, important, too smart, too pretty, etcetera.

But we'll just carry on until all of us are wormfood.

---

Too late to wish that I'd

Took a raincheck, stayed inside, and not gone on that dumb ride.

Guess I felt I had to go,

And 'Get Out There'... well I'm pretty 'Out There' now.

Brother! (oohh...) I know life's not fair

But since that day mine's been a Karmic car crash!

---

_instrumental bit_

---

I see a little sillhoetto of a man

Who is not short of nerve

Though he's only three feet tall

Talks to us in nonsense, then he promptly disappears.

Dungeon Master! (_Dungeon Master!_)

Dungeon Master! (_Dungeon Master!_)

Dungeon Master, where'dya go?

(_Where did he go-oh-oh-oh?_)

I'm just an Earth boy, nobody loves me.

(_He's just an 80's boy, from another Century,_

_Missing his comics and his Bowie LPs!_)

If I save elves and gnomes, will you let me go?

(_Face facts, kid... No! He will not let you go!_)

Let me go!

(_Save your breath... He will not let you go!_)

Let me go!

(_Stop asking... He will not let you go!_)

Let me go!

(_Will not let you go!_)

Let me go!

(_Will not let you, never let you go-oh-oh-oh,_

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no!_)

Oh Dungeon Master, Dungeon Master, Dungeon Master let me go!

That Horn Head Jerk's got some trouble set aside for me, for me, for meeeeee!

_--- _

_Much headbanging_

---

So you think this might alter the way I behave?

That this Odessy'd make me all noble and brave?

Oh, baby! Don't you think that you've maybe

Picked the wrong guy? Cos God knows I've tried and I can't change.

---

_More headbanging_

---

(_Oohh-ooh-ooh-ooh, oh yeah, oh yeah_)

---

_soulful guitar riff_

_--- _

Not as if they listen, not as if they see.

I suppose Shit Happens.

But why'ds it keep on happening to me?


	4. Heaven Can Tell

HEAVEN CAN TELL (To the tune of "I Know Him So Well" from Chess)

Because I Don't Do H/S. Aaahh, slowly I shall win over your hearts & minds, you E/D Naysayers. produces watch to dangle in front of your eyes You are feeling sleepy... very sleepy...

-x-

HER: Heaven knows I'm not a girl who riles easily

'Cept when I'm defending what is right,

So why should I argue delib'rately?

When did it become such fun to fight?

-x-

Heaven knows that I would probably run a mile

If he made a move, screaming as well...

But why's it that Goddamn jerk makes me smile?

It's beyond me, still, Heaven can tell.

HER: He's not that great,

(_HIM: What a pain!)_

HER: Hardly the best,

_(HIM: What a pest!)_

BOTH: So tell my hormones to give it a rest!

HIM: Cos Heaven knows they make it

Awfully hard for me...

_(HER: Have some dignity!)_

I can't pretend I see a future here...

BOTH: But Heaven can tell.

-x-

HIM: Heaven knows she's not a girl I'd try to catch,

Heaven knows I'm not that desperate yet.

So how comes after every slanging match

It feels like we both need a cigarette?

-x-

Heaven knows we're never gonna be Hearts and Flowers.

_(HER: Heaven alone knows I'd not live it down if he knew...)_

She would make a girlfriend straight from Hell.

_(HER: Still it's just a bit exciting...)_

But she brings heat to all my coldest hours -

_(HER: Maybe... maybe if he felt the same...)_

And you can bet your ass I'll never tell.

This isn't fair!

(_HER: Such a pest!)_

This is insane!

_(HER: Such a pain!)_

BOTH: But there's that feeling in my stomach again.

I shoulda known -

I watched "Romancing The Stone" just last May!

What a disgusting cliché!

HIM: This isn't good...

HER: For pity's sake...

HIM: This is the weirdest riddle to date...

_(HER: ...or not date?)_

To feel this way about a Fricking Lunatic.

_(HER: Selfish Hypocrite!)_

Exactly what is it about her, then?

Guess Heaven can tell.

HER: Heaven knows I hide it from him.

BOTH: But Heaven can tell.


End file.
